In my previous life as a traveling keynote speaker and corporate trainer, I found myself at a major international conference for a large corporate client on the west coast. In front of hundreds of industry leaders from across North America, I got up on stage and presented.

Following the evening’s events, the client was kind enough to invite me out for dinner with their whole team – about 30 people in all. We planned to meet in the lobby of the hotel at 6 o’clock and then walk over to a nearby Japanese restaurant for sushi.

At 5:45, I was down in the lobby – I’m eager, what can I say? – And was the first one there. A few minutes later, a gentleman entered the lobby, came over to me, and introduced himself. As we waited for the others to join us, we talked about everything under the sun – everything except business. We really hit it off, and decided to walk over to the restaurant together so we could continue our conversation.

At the restaurant, we sat down side-by-side. It was only then that it occurred to me to ask him what he did for the company.

“Oh,” he said. “I’m the president.”

I had to laugh. I’d had no idea.

We continued chatting over dinner. About halfway through the evening, the two gentlemen sitting across from us started to pepper me with a variety of business-related questions. They wanted to know my thoughts on their company’s marketing strategies and distribution plans, and a variety of other subjects.

“Look,” I said. “As much as I’d love to answer your questions, I don’t work for the company. I think you’d be better off asking them to this gentleman on my left.”

I gestured to the president of the company, who laughed and said: “Actually, Shawn, I’d love to know what you think. What would you do if you were me?”

Half jokingly, I replied: “well, I’ll give you this one for free, but then I’ll have to start billing you.”

Then, I went off. I started with the three things I’d do immediately if I were president of the company. I went on to list all the decisions they had made (or hadn’t made) that I found questionable. I didn’t hold back. I spoke the same way I would share if I speaking to a close friend; honestly, passionately, with plenty of colorful language, and with their best interests in mind. In other words, it was a ‘No BS Zone.’

When I was finished, the president nodded, smiled, and thanked me. Eventually, we went back to talking about other things. I figured that would be that.

About a week later, when I was back in Toronto, I got a call from the person at that same company that books all my speaking engagements. My contact explained that the president wanted me to come back to the west coast and speak to his senior management team at a cocktail party. He said he wanted the Shawn he saw at the sushi restaurant, she relayed; the open, passionate, no-holds-barred Shawn, the one with all the great ideas.

“Obviously,” she said. “You made a big impression.”

I considered this for a moment, and then asked her to communicate my fee to the president – about 12 times what I typically charged for speaking gigs.

“Really?” she said.

“Yes,” I said, not skipping a beat. “It’s a senior executive team. If they take action on only one insight it be exceptionally well invested money”

She called back 10 minutes later and said the president didn’t even hesitate before saying the words: “send an invoice.” 

So, I went out there and delivered what was asked of me. I was 100 percent Shawn, bringing forth all the honesty and passion that I often felt the need to temper during my regular speaking gigs.

I’d say that about half the people in the room loved it. The other half? Meh. Now, looking back, I know the latter half simply weren’t my people, and that that’s perfectly fine. At the time, however, I took this as evidence that I needed to continue playing by their rules.

On the plane ride home, I reflected on how cool it was to be able to just be myself – and make good money doing it. But I saw it as a one-off; something too good to be true – let alone sustainable. Time to get back to the boardroom, I thought with a sigh. Being 100 percent Shawn was too much of a gamble; I didn’t want to risk offending anyone again. 

The sad truth is that it took me about six years to learn that the best way to serve my clients is to be 100 percent myself.

Oscar Wilde said it best: “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

When I chose to embrace this philosophy, the right clients for me started showing up. These were business owners who had the courage to ask for help, who possessed growth mindsets, and who were honest with themselves and everyone else around them. My kind of people.

In the last 14 months, I (like many people) have had to rethink how I do business. While this process has definitely been challenging at times, it has also woken me up to the fact that being my true self is the greatest gift I can give to my clients – and to myself. The world doesn’t need more yes people, people who insist on playing politics and covering their own butts however they can – and I certainly don’t need to be one.

What I thought was a one-off experience, I’m proud to say, has turned into 100 percent of what I do. I am now 100 percent Shawn, all the time. He isn’t for everybody – and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I want to take a moment and look back 14 months ago, when the pandemic (I know it seems like it has been longer than that).

Two weeks into the lock down, I received a phone call from one of my biggest retainer clients. It went something like this: “Shawn, we love you, and this has nothing to do with your work, but we need to halt everything right now.”

This was devastating not only because I hated the thought of losing this particular client, but because I had been receiving phone calls just like this one for two weeks. A lot of my business was in person, and suddenly, “in person” was on hold – indefinitely. And so, it seemed like, overnight, I had lost about 85 percent of my business.

With this latest blow, I felt utterly crushed. In that moment, there was no internal pep talk. No inspirational quotes floating above my head, ready for the plucking. No reminding myself that this was a “learning opportunity.”

I want to be really clear here: it sucked!

I remember walking downstairs and having lunch with my wife. As we sat across from each other over our grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, I decided that the time for wallowing was officially over. That’s when I asked my wonderful wife for a favor. “Can you call me out if I start complaining and playing the ‘ain’t it awful’ card?” I asked her. “Gladly”, she said.

I went back up to my office, and launched into “figuring it out” mode – still wearing my soft pants.

Only one problem…..

I had no idea how to figure this one out.

The irony of my situation wasn’t lost on me. Helping people through their hardest days at work is what I do for a living. And now here I was, the one in need of help, with no clue where to start.

So, I took a page from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and I phoned a friend. Not just any friend, mind you. I called someone I have a lot of respect for, personally and professionally, and I asked him what he thought about my predicament. His response, though I didn’t know it right away, would change everything.

He said: “Shawn, the next little while is going to be full of unknowns, and it’s going to be tough financially, regardless of what you do – whether you spend your time complaining or whether you try something new.” Then he said:

“Just focus on serving the clients that you absolutely love, and go from there.”

When we got off the phone, I thought about my friend’s advice – and thought some more. “Couldn’t he have been a little more specific?” whispered my inner voice. I decided to start by taking out a pen and paper and writing down a list of those clients I absolutely love; the clients I’d love to have over to my house for dinner; the clients whose company I simply and truly enjoy. When I was finished, I looked over each name on my list and thought: “how can I serve them today?”

And I did that every day.

Some days, I’d pick one or two names on the list; other days, three or four. I would do something as simple as record a voice message or a goofy selfie video, saying something along the lines of: “Hey, I know what you and your team are going through – here’s a tip.” Nothing major. But I just kept focusing on them.

And guess what happened?

They started calling me.

Before I knew it, I was being inundated with “thank yous” and requests to share my videos more widely. I started to ask myself: how else can I create and serve? “Wait a minute”, I thought, “Why don’t I get everyone in the same room – virtually?”

And that was when I decided to bring my pre-pandemic “Socials with Shawn” series to the wonderful world of Zoom.

In the old days, “Socials with Shawn” was an in-person event that brought together my best clients and their friends. There was music, and food, and coaching, and fun. I had no idea how such an event would translate to the online world, but I was willing to give it a shot. So, I created a Zoom account, set a date for the following Monday evening, invited those clients from my list, and hit “send.”

Then, I stared at my computer screen. Would anyone even be interested?

As it turned out, the answer was yes. That same day, much to my surprise, the RSVPs starting rolling in. “Oh”, I thought, “I guess I’d better come up with something!” 

As someone without much prior experience in online hosting platforms, I called one of my Zoom-savviest friends. I explained my situation, confessed that I was afraid of hitting the wrong buttons and screwing the whole thing up, and she generously offered to serve as my backstage manager for the event on Monday. Phew.

Over that weekend, I solidified my vision for the inaugural virtual edition of “Socials with Shawn.” I had a pretty good feeling that what people were largely looking for was a nice distraction from all the craziness swirling around them at the moment. They wanted an opportunity to connect with other business leaders and talk about what they were going through, but they also wanted to have some fun. So, that was my goals I put together some exercises and activities for the big event (which, at that time, I viewed as a one-and-done affair.)

On Monday evening, five minutes before the event started, I logged in with my backstage manager and waited. There was nobody in the waiting room, just the two of us. Two minutes passed, and I started to get queasy. “This is so embarrassing,” I said to my friend. “I’m so sorry to have wasted your time.” She shook her head and said: “Just wait.”

Then, someone showed up. Then another. And then another. And all of the sudden, there were 14 people in the Zoom room. Fourteen people from three different countries. The 90 minutes flew by, as we reconnected over laughs, shared experiences, and tips and tools for the workplace. 

At the end of the event, someone said: “This was great, thank you. When’s the next one?”

For a brief moment, I was speechless. I hadn’t even considered doing a second event. “Well, when would you like it to be?” I asked. Everyone agreed on the following Monday, and every Monday after that.

And so, for the next 12 weeks, that’s what we did. Every week, the numbers got bigger. A few people even reached out and asked if I’d be willing to come and host socials with their teams.

What began as an experiment has become so much greater than I ever could have imagined. By taking a risk and dipping my toe into the virtual landscape – despite having no idea what was beneath the water – I realized just how much potential lay before me; potential I didn’t even know existed 14 months ago.

Before the pandemic, I was used to going to clients’ houses, presenting in their boardrooms, playing by their rules. And as much as I loved that, in a way, it kept my horizons from expanding. I was always working with the same people, around the same tables, repeating the same patterns. Having to move away from in-person interactions forced me to re-think everything. It forced me to think about how I could play host instead; how I could both provide the content and create the connections that so many of my clients were longing for.

Now, I’m in the habit of welcoming all these wonderful people – and their wonderful friends – to my house (cue ‘Welcome to My House’ by Flo Rida.) I’m getting to live my dream of having my favourite clients over for dinner on a regular basis – with some small adjustments (namely, the actual dinner part.) And my online offerings are only continuing to grow. This summer, I’ll be launching my ‘Strategic Focus Program’ online, bringing together world-class leaders for meaningful conversations, contact building, and awesome resources.

None of this would have been possible if I hadn’t first gotten really uncomfortable. I’ve come to learn that, sometimes, a comfortable job or pay check can actually be a barrier to fresh thinking and creative ideas. We can get a little bit lazy, without something to shake us up every once in a while. I know I certainly did. I needed a wake-up call, and I got one – big time.

My next step, a crucial step, was asking myself that one essential question:

 “How can I serve and create for the people I love and respect?” I’m so glad I asked.

Every spring, I take part in an event called ‘Actionable Conversations Summit.’ It’s a three-day summit that brings our community together of business leaders, coaches, and consultants from around the world together. We share best practices, we learn what each other are going through, and we laugh – a lot. I look forward to it every year.

This year, things were a little different. Because of the pandemic, we had to meet over Zoom. Like many people heading into the online version of a formerly in-person event for the first time, I wasn’t sure what to expect. To my surprise and delight, I ended up having some absolutely phenomenal one-on-one conversations with people from across the globe. It was a wonderful experience.

Immediately following the summit, I went into a nine-day intensive with Rich Litvin, an incredible business coach whose event sells out every year. Unlike ‘Actionable Conversations’, I had never been to Rich Litvin’s intensive. Each day of the event offered four hours of connection, in which I got to meet 249 other coaches from around the world. Throughout those nine days, I built great bonds with people I might never have met otherwise – all from the comfort of my home office.

All the while, I have continued to host ‘Socials with Shawn’ – a virtual version of my formerly in-person event series. Each month, I bring my all star team of global leaders together over conversation, laughter, and resource sharing.

So, why am I telling you all this?

Here’s the thing: over the last 14 months of this pandemic, I have connected with more new people than I have in the past five years. While being locked up at home, I have benefited from so many meaningful conversations with people I didn’t know a year ago. By becoming an active participant in my own growth during these unprecedented times, and seeking out those amazing opportunities for conversation and connection, I have discovered so many new ways of thinking and doing business that I never would have thought about 14 months ago.

Unfortunately, a lot of organizations have completely wasted this opportunity. They have stayed within their same four walls, having the same conversations with the same people around the same table. The only difference is that they’ve been doing it online instead of in-person. Well, I hate to break it to you, guys, but you know that boring meeting everybody hated when it was in the boardroom? It’s doubly brutal on Zoom.

I think there’s a big gap between companies that are looking to make connections and learn new things, and those that are content to put up their walls and stay in their bubbles – and the gap is expanding.

The organizations that are thriving are the ones that are looking to create new opportunities for growth, the ones that are open and honest and brave. Those that are struggling are the ones that are closed-minded and unwilling to adapt.

So, the real question is: which kind of organization are you?

Every January – when there isn’t a pandemic going on – I run a two-day event in San Diego called the ‘Strategic Focus Program.’

This is a very special event in which business owners and growth minded leaders, have the opportunity to invest in their future vision by planning for the coming year – both personally and professionally. It’s a chance to get away from the office and benefit from a new environment.

Without fail, that environment is the Lafayette Hotel in San Diego’s bustling North Park neighbourhood.

The Lafayette is a tiny boutique hotel that has been around for generations. It’s got a fantastic retro vibe and some of the most stellar customer service I have ever experienced.

From the moment you check into the Lafayette, you are treated like an old friend. The last time I was there, in January 2020, I was greeted at reception after a five-hour flight with a warm “it’s great to have you back.”

This small gesture alone went a long way, but as is always my experience with the Lafayette, it didn’t end there. Later on, when I needed some photocopies made for the event, I called down to the front desk to inquire about local printing shops. Without skipping a beat, the woman on the other end of line said she would be happy to complete them right then and there. “Are you sure?” I responded. I needed about fifty colour copies made. It seemed like a lot to ask. “We would be happy to do those for you” was her reply. Twenty minutes later, a knock on my hotel room door yielded fifty beautiful, laser-printed photocopies – on the house.

I shouldn’t have been surprised when, a few days after my return to Toronto, I received a beautiful hand-written card from the Lafayette in the mail. It said: “Thank you for staying with us and bringing your smiles. We love having you here every year.”

The Strategic Focus Program is not, by any means, a massive event. At most, we’re a group of 12 people. That is to say, we’re not some corporate event bringing in hundreds of customers. And yet, the Lafayette makes us feel special, year after year; a prime example of Maya Angelou’s words come to life:

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Maya Angelou

It goes without saying that I do not consider any other hotel every time I’m in San Diego. Simply put, the Lafayette creates such a unique and unforgettable experience for me and my clients that I don’t need to look elsewhere.

So, my question to business owners is: how can you create a unique, genuine experience that your clients can’t help but share? How can you serve your clients beyond the product that you’re offering? How can you show them that you actually care?

Which brings me to Jay Culbert of Kaloutas, a commercial painting, industrial flooring and fireproofing company in Peabody, Massachusetts. Jay is a man who takes these questions to heart. He’s also one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.

Every two months, Jay hosts a virtual event called ‘Facility Rock Stars with Jay.’ He brings together his clients – facility managers from various industries – and opens up the floor for them to discuss the biggest problems they’re facing. It’s an opportunity for them to connect, problem solve, and build relationships.

There is no infomercial at the end of the event, no flashy plug for Jay’s business. After one of his first events, an attendee reached out to Jay and said: “I was waiting for the Kaloutas commercial and it never came.” Another said: “That was fantastic, and so needed in our industry. We often feel alone. Do you mind if I invite more people next time?”

Jay is a perfect example of how to show your clients that you care. And guess what happens when you show your clients you care? They can’t help but talk about you, just like I can’t help but talk about the Lafayette. We are wired to want to share great experiences, our focus should be on creating more of them for our clients.

So, how are you creating a great experience for your clients?

“Shawn, you have Type 1 diabetes, you will need to take daily insulin injections for the rest of your life, and it will shorten your life expectancy.”

Sitting in my doctor’s office in Ottawa, hearing these words for the first time, I was speechless. I was 30 years old, engaged to be married, and working as the head of business development for a major international company. In short, life was going pretty well. And suddenly, there was this.

The rest of the news came hard and fast. Within a matter of minutes, I knew this diagnosis was going to change my life forever.

What I didn’t know in that moment was that it was also a gift.

As I would soon come to learn, this diagnosis was presenting me with the invaluable opportunity to re-evaluate what I wanted out of my time on this Earth. As I left the doctor’s office that day, the iconic words of Mary Oliver rang in my head: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

My burning desire to answer this question is what steered me to the Life Wheel, a powerful self-coaching tool that divides your life into eight spokes:

·        Health

·        Career

·        Income

·        Friends

·        Family

·        Contribution

·        Recreation/Fun

·        Relationships

The Life Wheel explores each of these spokes in detail, and asks the question: What would a ‘perfect 10’ in each of these areas of your life look like?

One Saturday afternoon I headed to the public library and invested a few hours into creating my future vision.

I spent the next two-and-a-half hours reflecting on each of the eight spokes, and carefully writing out my answers. When I was finished, as I stood back and looked at my work, I thought: I can do this. This is doable. I can create my future on my own terms. I can live by design and not by default.

In the words of Peter Drucker: “The best way to predict your future is to create it.” And from that moment on, that’s what I decided to do.

I left my successful job in Ottawa, moved back to Toronto to be with my fiancée (now wife), and started creating the life that we wanted to live. Did I know, back then, exactly what the future would look like? Absolutely not! What I did have was a greater vision for my life, and the attitude I needed to make that vision a reality. 

In the years since making that fateful decision, I’ve been asked: “Shawn, isn’t it a risk to be self-employed?” : “Shawn, where does your positive attitude come from?” and “Shawn, you are so lucky to not have to deal with corporate BS”

We live into the stories we tell ourselves.

The truth is, I have more than just my diagnosis to thank for instilling in me the desire to live each day to the fullest. I have been extremely fortunate to know some incredibly inspiring people over the course of my life.

One of those people was my mother – or, as she was affectionately known by family and friends ‘Momsy.’

If she was down to her last $5, my mom was the type of person who would give it to her kids. She was always thinking of others. She loved having fun and putting a smile on other people’s faces.

In the later years of her life, I watched, heartbroken, as my mother slowly slipped away due to Huntington’s disease. The same disease that took the life all of her siblings. The same disease each one of my siblings has a 50-50 chance of developing.

Like so many who are faced with this kind of loss – along with the understanding that they may fall victim to the same fate – I realized I had two options. I could feel sorry for myself, or I could recognize that each day is a gift. I chose the latter – or should I say, I choose the latter, over and over and over again. It isn’t always easy. But whenever I need a little inspiration, I think of Momsy, who passed away in 2007, but is with me every day.

Another person who had a major impact on my life outlook was my friend Tarek.

Every Tuesday, for years, Tarek and I would get together to play pickup hockey with a group of friends. Tarek was the kind of guy who would always find a way to make you laugh – but never at another person’s expense. After each game, he would channel his inner sports reporter and type up a hilarious recap of everything that went down on the ice. He called it “The Chesswood Howler”, named after the arena where we played. It was a highlight of everyone’s week, every week.

There are lots of other things I could tell you about Tarek, but one of my favourites is that he always wore these bright green hockey pants. While everyone else was sporting the default black, Tarek showed up like he was on the Minnesota Wild. 

One day, seemingly out of the blue, Tarek was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. ‘Devastating’ doesn’t quite capture how it felt to hear this news. When he knew the end was coming, Tarek wanted to have one last outing with each of his friends. He and I went out for lunch, where we ate ribs and laughed together one last time. As we sat there, he looked straight into my eyes and said: “Shepheard, don’t ever change who you are and what you do. Promise me that. I learnt this lesson too late in life.”

Tarek passed away three month later. .. I think of him every time I am challenged to stay true to myself in this short and precious life – then, and every time I don my bright green hockey pants, purchased in honour of our dear friend.

There is one more person who comes to mind when I think of major influences on the way I live my life. Her name was Chelsea.

I met Chelsea when I was speaking at some business leadership events across North America. She was involved in the organizing of these events, and we got to know each very well. As our friendship grew, I learned more and more about her amazing story. Chelsea grew up in North Dakota, and her family didn’t have much. In spite of that, she always maintained this wonderful, go-getter attitude, and she started her own company in her mid-twenties. To say that we clicked would be an understatement.

One year, Chelsea invited my wife and me to come visit her and her husband at their home on the beach in Florida. The entire trip, Chelsea went to all lengths to ensure our time together was special. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to put a smile on your face. She was always thinking of others.

About eight months after that magical vacation, Chelsea was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. As she was undergoing chemotherapy, we would text back and forth. One day, she sent me a message saying she was thinking of starting her own foundation. She explained that she wanted to provide goodie bags to people in her same position, containing everything you might want or need during those long stretches at the hospital; things like lip balm for when your lips get dry, or oatmeal for when you get hungry. I knew Chelsea was an incredible person. But here she was, living with Stage 4 cancer and undergoing chemotherapy herself, and all she could do was think about everyone around her.

Chelsea started that foundation in her last couple months of life. Today, The Foye Belle Foundations is still going strong (foyebelle.org) Chelsea’s legacy will live on long after her 34 years, not only through the amazing work being done by her foundation, but simply in the way she made the people around her feel. I can’t think of anything more worthy of emulation.

So, these are the three individuals I think of every time someone asks me why live the way I do. Each in their own unique way, they taught me – and continue to teach me – of the importance of living every day as though it was your last. Hey, it’s a cliché for a reason.

In my work, I meet people all the time who are in careers they don’t like; who are living lives that don’t nourish or fulfill them. They have never asked themselves the big questions: What is my vision for the future? What do I really want out of my time on this Earth? What would a ‘perfect 10’ look like in every aspect of my life?

There is a cost to avoiding these questions. Without taking the time to sit down and reflect on what you really want, you risk staying in that same miserable job for years, continuing to buy into the lie that this is ‘just how it is.’ The number of people who believe this lie is, quite frankly, heartbreaking.  

My goal, of course, is not for people to simply up and quit their jobs. My goal is for them to dream a little, to give themselves a chance to live the life they want. If I have learned anything from Momsy, and Tarek, and Chelsea, it’s that life is simply too short and too precious to do anything less.

If I need a daily reminder of how precious life is, I just need to glance down to the insulin pump that is attached to me that I literally can’t live without.

I can’t determine what it is you want from this life. Only you can know that. What I can do is help get you there – once you know what “there” is.

“Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time”

Susan Scott author of Fierce Conversations

Often, prospective clients will reach out to me with questions like: ‘Hey, can you do the closing keynote at XYZ conference?’ or ‘Hey, can you work with my sales team? They’re stuck on this one problem.’

Don’t get me wrong: I’m always honoured that they would even think of me, but before I make a decision about whether or not to take on a client; I need to have some questions answered first. So, I schedule a call, and these are a few of the questions I ask:

1)     What would wild success look like – one month, three months, and six months – after this action? 

2)     In the event of wild success, how are you and your team acting differently?

3)     How will you measure everyone’s progress towards that vision?

Usually, after I ask these questions, there’s a bit of an awkward silence, followed by something along the lines of: ‘those are really good questions.’

Sometimes people don’t necessarily want to answer these questions, but the way they answer them plays a key role in my decision to move forward, or not.

The thing is, I don’t want to just take a gig just to get a gig. I want to be as a person who is just as invested in a client’s business results as they are. I don’t just want to be your guest speaker – I want to be your partner. 

Learning Alone Doesn’t Create Change

Ideas Are Only Valuable When Applied

Learning + Behaviour Change = New Business Outcomes

My Three Step Process:

Step 1: I provide context– or what some might call the ‘topic’ or ‘framework’ of the event. For the purposes of this example, let’s say the context is “Innovation in Challenging Times.”

Step 2:  I facilitate expert conversations – I have participants talk to each other (I know, crazy, right?) The bottom line here is that I’m not the expert in the room – at least not when it comes to the inner workings of this particular company. I don’t know what it’s like to work there every day. So, I provide the context, and then I have them talk to one another and exchange ideas.

Step 3: I help develop a 30-day action plan (with follow-up!) – Using the ideas that were generated during the expert conversations, we develop a plan that will work for them and their organization. I use a tool called the ‘Habit Builder’, in which we identify the behaviours that need to be addressed to reach their goals, and then track those behaviours for every person in the room for 30 days.

This process has been a total game-changer. It takes a one-off presentation and turns it into an interactive, 30-day experience with measureable results.

I’ve tried it with groups small and large – most recently, as part of a keynote with more than 300 people in 18 different countries. After the event, I got a call from the executive director of the organization, who said it was the most beneficial keynote they’ve ever had.

So, if you’re interested in creating real, lasting, measurable change within your organization, give me a call. If all you’re looking for is someone to come in and help you check off the “hire a speaker” box, I’m not interested.

A few years ago, I decided to change my business model by moving to an invite- and referral-only system. This meant saying goodbye to some of my biggest clients – some world-renowned brands and big businesses – following some difficult conversations on why we weren’t necessarily the best fit for each other. It also meant saying goodbye to a lot of income in the short term, and as someone running their own business, that’s a scary leap. 

At first, the people closest to me thought I had lost my mind. They wondered: ‘You’ve worked so hard to attract international brands and clients, why would you walk away?’

The truth is that it was the most difficult business decision of my life.

It was also the best one. 

Here’s the thing: the way things were going, for many years, I felt more like a substitute teacher more than anything else. Allow me to explain.

As a keynote speaker and corporate trainer, I would travel around North America and I would always hear the same things. People would say to me: ‘Hey, can you come in and solve this problem?’ or ‘Hey, can you come work with my sales team to get them motivated again?’ And so I would come in, and I would do the work, but I never felt like I was having the impact that I wanted to.

Do you remember when you were in high school and you had a substitute teacher for the day? I’m going to take a wild guess here and say you weren’t particularly engaged on those days. That was how I felt doing these corporate training events. I knew what my audiences were thinking, which was probably something along the lines of: ‘Whatever, I have to sit through this thing and this guy will be gone by lunch.’

This bothered me – a lot – because I didn’t want to just be the guy making a living. I wanted to be the guy making a difference – and I wanted the clients to experience measurable results.

When there’s no follow-up, no measurement of success, it’s hard to feel like anything you’re doing is making a difference. I felt like I was swimming upstream, trying to convince these clients that we would work better as long-term partners, and then facing the same obstacles over and over again.

I knew something needed to change. And thanks to one chance encounter at a speaking event in San Francisco several years ago, I discovered what that something was.

I had just finished my speech when a fellow speaker and best-selling author came up to me and said something that I’ve never forgotten.

She said: ‘Shawn, I just saw your speech, and the one thing I would suggest is: don’t change who you are and what you do. Just change your audience.’

Fast forward to today, and I work with a small group of amazing business owners, family-owned companies, and people who act like owners – exclusively. I provide them with clarity, focus, and accountability that lead to new opportunities, income, and time off. How did these incredible individuals show up in my life, you may be wondering? I made the difficult decision of working only with people who are a good fit; people who are open to sharing their vision for the future – personally and professionally, and are committing to taking action.

These are people with whom I can cultivate long-lasting, meaningful relationships – people like Kevin Cassidy of Cassidy Paving and Jim Kaloutas of Kaloutas. These are people who had the courage to start their own businesses, people who value their teams and treat them like family, people who share certain keys to success:

1)     They create their future. These individuals have a clear vision of where they are going personally and professionally and are active in creating the life they want.

2)     They don’t hide from the truth. They have the courage to have tough conversations with themselves and others.

3)     They have a bias for action. They make a habit of getting uncomfortable and quickly moving into action.

4)     They invest in themselves. They invest in the people, programs, and resources that will move them closer to their future vision.

Some people believe that every job involves working with people you don’t like, at least some of the time. I don’t buy that. The thing is, when you actually commit to a model that allows you to work with the kinds of inspiring and energizing people that I do, the benefits are immeasurable.

When you commit to this model, you don’t really need marketing, because your clients do all the marketing for you. Think of your favourite restaurant; you can’t help but tell people about it. When you are able to put your all into the success of a few fabulous clients, they’re going to feel that love and they’re going to want to spread the word. That’s what these clients do for me, and I am forever grateful for that. 

I read an article once that said you need 1,000 true fans to make it as an entrepreneur. I only need about five; five clients in the whole world with whom I’m a perfect fit, and provide with an exceptional experience that they can’t help to share it with other, just like them. That’s what I have now, and it never would have happened had I not made that one difficult decision.

After years of being a coach, I’ve met with dozens of people who’ve asked to “pick my brain” about a problem or challenge at work or home. They want something. Something inside them wants to change, but they’re not sure what to do or what to commit to it.

Why take these meetings? I love helping people, and I want to see them succeed. I gave them ideas, they left excited, but very few actually took action that led to meaningful change. In fact, I can count them on one hand and still have fingers left. Most went back to their same environment and kept doing the same things, and it was not the outcome either of us wanted.

Today I only want to work with people who are serious about doing the work, and for whom I am a good fit, and vice versa.

Who are my clients? Senior leaders who share their true feelings of frustration and unworthiness about not living the life they wanted. They feel they’ve lost their way and see no way out. They may make good money but they feel stressed out at work and don’t know what to do about it, who to talk to, or what steps to take. This is affecting every area of their life – family, relationships, and health.

I was one of those people as well, and that was the genesis of the work I’m doing now. I was also confused about mixed messages I was getting – the work I was doing felt wrong, but isn’t work supposed to be something you suffer through? Doesn’t every job have its headaches? No one can be happy every day, can they?

I’m not the only coach in the world and I won’t be a good fit for everyone. So now when clients ask who would be a good referral for me, I offer these questions as a self-assessment for prospective clients:

1. Are you coachable? 

Not everyone is. What does it mean to be coachable? Are you being fully honest with yourself and everybody around you? I want to know the truth about how you’re feeling. There are no wrong answers, but being coachable starts with being honest about what’s exciting you, what’s frustrating you, and what you want to be different in your life. Being coachable also means being open to new possibilities, trying new things and being committed to creating real lasting change.

2. Are you willing to lead yourself? 

In my group program The Leadership Advantage, we emphasize that leading yourself involves creating a vision for the future for all areas of your life. Not just the work stuff. Not just the measurable ROI results. Embracing this global perspective is the core and foundation of true leadership. 

Leading yourself also requires a commitment to address the big questions in life rather than avoid them. For example, where do you see yourself in two years, and what would make you feel like you’ve made progress? 

Finally, leading yourself means opening up in this safe environment. When you’re at a senior level of your career you may not feel you have anybody to talk to at work. Remember that being coachable (see #1) means being honest. If you’re unhappy, say you’re unhappy. No hiding behind the BS of saying what you think others need to hear because you’re the leader. 

3. Are you willing to experiment? 

You already have a long track record of success. You’ve done a whole lot of stuff that I can’t take credit for and wouldn’t want to. But to get to the next vision of success means doing things differently. 

Some people are paralzyed with fear of doing anything new, yet it will be difficult for us to work together without that courage to commit, willingness to try, and trust in me that I won’t do anything to harm you. 

As a sports guy I explain it like this: The lessons are always on the field. When you do something new, it’s not about it being a success or failure. It will be a little uncomfortable, but then you can run it through the “review the game zone.” That’s where you ask three simple questions: (1) What worked? (2) What didn’t work? and (3) What are you going to change? 

It’s in between sessions where growth happens; this is when people go out and do the work and make the changes we’ve talked about, and experiment. Instead of, “I’m going to do this from now on,” it’s about, “I’m going to experiment with this and evaluate how it goes.”

It might be uncomfortable to sit in a group of people you’ve just met and talk honestly about your goals and visions, but in my programs I find that people bond quickly and what’s been uncomfortable becomes comfortable. 

I was listening to my favorite sports radio station when I heard: “Up next we will discuss Jon Gruden’s new $100 million contract to coach the Oakland Raiders.” Did I hear that right? Yes indeed, the Raiders are making a 10 year, $100 million commitment to their new head coach. Talk about a ringing endorsement for the coaching profession.

Sports teams are seeing the value in having great coaches lead them: in hockey the Toronto Maple Leafs made a long term investment in Mike Babcock, and Phil Jackson was also well compensated for his work building championship teams.

It’s not uncommon for coaches to be paid more than the players they are coaching. And this makes perfect business sense to me. If you invest a lot in building a strong a group of talented players, why wouldn’t you invest in a coach to lead them to success?

With the Olympics underway, can you imagine any world class athlete not having a coach, or a group of coaches?

The same rings true in the corporate world. Your company invests a tremendous amount of resources in finding, engaging and keeping strong employees. But do we invest in the leaders who will be coaching them? Famous leaders like Jeff Bezos, Barack Obama, and Steve Jobs all had great coaches in their corner.

Take a moment right now to think about someone who made you better. They could be a mentor, boss, friend, teacher, or coach. The truth is that your best chance at becoming the greatest version of yourself is to be supported, and pushed, by someone else.

Think of a great coach as Sherpa or guide, there with you every step of the way. Seeing new possibilities and moving you into action. It’s someone in your corner to be brutally honest with, that listens, and customizes a plan of action to meet your needs.

Now I know what you‘re thinking: “what a surprise, a business coach is telling me why I need a coach.” Fair enough, it’s a bit like a car salesman telling you that you’d look great in a new car.

But the truth is I didn’t always have this belief: there was a time when I was actually resistant to getting real, honest feedback. I often lied to myself and said things like “I’m doing well, I’m good at what I do.” Or the worst lie, “I don’t need any help.” Like asking for help was a sign of weakness.

I was hiding, and that was not only hurting me, but everyone around me—personally and professionally.

Being honest with yourself is not for the faint of heart: it exposes you and makes you vulnerable. But it’s also where all the growth is.

Whether you hire a coach or not, there is tremendous benefit to adopting a coaching mindset. Embracing coaching principles can help you make your future bigger than your past.

Listed below are what I have experienced as the top three benefits on having coach. And if hiring a coach is not an option for you right now, for each point I will offer an alternative to get you started.

1) Asking Questions that Bring You Closer to Your Vision

In a previous post I talked about the Dan Sullivan question. I typically start each client engagement by asking this question::

“If we were meeting here one year from today, and you were to look back over the year, what has to have happened during that period for you to feel happy about your progress?”

Your answer is your vision.

Of course, it’s one thing to answer a question thoughtfully, and another thing to turn that vision into reality. When you’re heads down in your day-to-day, juggling meetings, putting out fires, and responding to a barrage of emails/messages, it can be difficult to align your actions to your vision. A good coach will help guide you toward your goals.

Asking for help is an act of courage and true leadership. A great coach will help you support your vision, move you into action, and hold you accountable. They are in your corner every step of the way.

Three months into working with a new client, she told me: “My team keeps asking what’s different with me. I’m happier, more productive, and smashing our goals. That’s when I knew the value of having a great coach!”

If you’d like to be a more effective coach for your team, or just learn more about coaching, two great books to get you started are:

1. The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
2. The Dan Sullivan Question by Dan Sullivan

2) Real Feedback and Unbiased Opinions

The higher you climb in most organizations, the lonelier it is. Many leaders I work with feel they can’t share what keeps them up at night, or admit that they don’t know the answer to everything.

With a coach they have permission to cut the BS and be honest. The experienced and unbiased perspective of a coach can expose your blind spots, and open you up to new possibilities.

Part of my process involves asking the following questions:

• What are your goals for the year and quarter?
• Where are you spending your time daily?
• What skills are you exceptional at?

Then I work with my client to create a plan to increase the amount of time invested in the areas where they excel.

I was once working with a sales rep, “Joe,” in the field. We were driving to a client meeting when the national boss called. Joe put the boss on speaker and let him know I was in the car.

I knew the boss well and asked him a few questions: “What does success look like for Joe at the end of the month?” He answered with a sales target—to be expected. “What’s the number one thing Joe needs to do to reach that goal?” More one-on-one meetings, the clients love Joe, and love meeting with him. Ok, so: “If that’s the case, why are you making him spend more than half of his day on conference calls, filling out forms and other activities that take him away from the real goal?”

Silence. Followed by the response, “Good point, I hadn’t thought of that.“

We hung up and Joe thanked me. He didn’t feel that he could speak to his boss so frankly, which is a big part of the problem. A good coach can ask you the tough questions to help you find the highest value activities for you and your team.

If you’re not ready to hire a coach, schedule time with a co-worker or friend to ask each other about your goals, how you’re spending your time, and what you are exceptional at. Commit to making one small change as a result of your discussion, and follow up with them in a few weeks.

3) Move Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s hard for most people to admit, but I’ve noticed that many people would rather stay stuck (or even miserable), than make the effort to change their circumstances. I call this phenomenon “comfortable misery.” Let me explain.

A few years back I was asked to speak to a team that worked together. Morale was at an all time low. The manager hoped I could help get them out of their funk.

I started the session by asking two questions:

1. What’s working well right now?
2. What’s not working well right now?

When I asked the first question, everyone in the room started studying their shoes. Silence. So I moved quickly to question #2.

27 minutes and 6 flip charts of grievances later, we stopped. No wonder there was low morale! We circled their top 5 concerns, and started to discuss some small changes they could make to improve. They had some really great ideas.

But then one member of the group, visibly concerned, pleaded with me loudly: “Don’t come in here and start changing things!” This was right after 27 minutes of sharing what was making them miserable.

The group, or at least that one person in the group, was choosing to be miserable over making change.

Change is uncomfortable. You have to move out of your comfort zone and be willing to confront the ways that you are contributing to your own circumstances. This principle can apply to any area of your life: work, fitness, relationships, etc. A good coach can help you recognize when you are getting too comfortable in your misery and help you get unstuck, back in motion toward pursuing your true vision.

“There’s just one way to radically change your behavior: radically change your environment.”
—Dr. B.J. Fogg, Director of Stanford Persuasive Technology Lab

Everything is an environment. The people you hang out with, your thoughts, your physical space, the books you read—all affect how you perceive and react to the world. If you don’t have a coach to help push you out of your comfort zone, making a deliberate change to your environment can help you overcome the challenges of of change.

One of the most fun ways to change your environment is to host a dinner party or mastermind group with friends, and have each friend bring someone new to the party. Come with an open mind and ask some great questions, and let the fun and magic happen.

I’ve had a business coach for the last 8 years, and I admit there were times that I couldn’t afford it. But they have made me better, uncovered my blind spots, moved me into action, and played a huge part in helping me create a life I love.

A coach can help you get your life back, become an even more respected leader at work and home, achieve results like never before, and better enjoy free time. All while escaping the hamster wheel of day-to-day activities many of us are stuck on.

If hiring a coach is not in the cards for you right now, there is tremendous benefit in developing a coaching mindset and playing with the exercises above.

The most important investment we can make is in ourselves, and I can’t quite believe I am citing lyrics from Fifth Harmony as life advice, but “Baby, I’m Worth It.”

Think about the most enjoyable business relationships you’ve had. I am going to bet that you shared similar values, expectations, and more.

I have been happily married for over 18 years, so I don’t know that much about online dating sites. About ten years ago my goalie in hockey starting dating someone and it quickly became serious (they have since married). Over drinks after a game I asked them where they met. They sheepishly exchanged glances and whispered “online,” like it was some dirty secret. Since then many of my friends have found their life partners online.

When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. People with similar interests, values, and expectations for the future have a much better chance at long term success. Using the tools available to screen potential partners for common values and interests before investing time in meeting them is more than reasonable.

When we start having honest conversations at the beginning of a relationship (and of course, throughout the partnership), I really believe it serves both parties. Let’s share our beliefs and values upfront and it will save everyone lots of future frustration.

When I started my journey as an entrepreneur, I was just so happy to find anyone that would actually pay me for my services. It was like, they are going to send a cheque? Whoo hoo, awesome. To extend the online dating metaphor, it was the equivalent of accepting a date with anyone who said yes, without reading their profile or thinking about what I hoped to get out of the relationship.

The problem was that I was not a good fit for many of my clients, and they were not a great fit for me. And what happens when you stay in a relationship that isn’t working for either side? Nobody wins.

Think about the instances in business where each side has a tendency to withhold information. In the hiring process, if both sides avoid big discussions like salary expectations or frank conversations about the company culture, it extends the process unnecessarily and nobody wins. Or when you are hiring vendors or consultants, not understanding how they work or how they bill, and having unclear expectations, can lead to disastrous results.

One of the most influential business books that had a major and immediate impact on my business many years ago was Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port. It was a real game changer for me. In it, Port talks about developing your “Red Velvet Rope Policy.” Simply put, as a business owner, who are the clients you love working with, and who in turn love working with you? What traits do they have that you absolutely love and make them a great fit to work with? What are the deal breakers that clearly indicate a bad fit?

My goal here is not to waste a potential client’s time or mine, and that starts with getting to know each other a lot better. If we are not a great fit, no problem at all, we can continue our search for a more suitable partner. If we are, fantastic. Let’s start a conversation.

With that in mind here are my business turn ons and turn offs. I use this list to help me evaluate fit for potential clients, but a similar list can help you to determine potential fit for any new (or ongoing) business relationships:

Turn Ons:

Willingness to Try New Things
If you want new results you have to be willing to try new things—which also means that you have to be willing to fail from time to time.

They Love Their Customers and SHOW It
They actually have a meaningful relationship with their customer after the sale and genuinely care about their customer’s success. And they show it through their actions (not just their words).

They Invest in Their Employees
They care about employees and invest in them. That could involve a professional and personal development plan or coaching.

Turn Offs:

Too Many “Experts”
Don’t get me wrong, experience in an industry is great. But relying too heavily on expertise, or being unwilling to bring in fresh eyes can lead to a serious lack of new ideas.

Bureaucracy 
Having too many card carrying members of the CYA Club, or overly rigid decision making processes is an innovation and creativity killer.

Arrogance & Abuse of The Customer
This is one that really gets my blood boiling. Treating customers like a line item in a budget, assuming that you always know what’s best for your partners, or acting as though you’re more important than others is a quick way to send me running for the door.

As you enter into new professional relationships and partnerships, whether it’s hiring a new team member, bringing on a coach or consultant, or working with a new vendor, I urge you to write your own list of must haves and deal breakers. And at the start of a new relationship, ask people to share their own ideas and lists as well. It’s a clarifying exercise that can save a lot of time and energy down the road, and build a foundation for more productive relationships.

What is really boils down to for me is the power of having honest conversations right from the beginning of the relationship. The cost of not being honest upfront is wasted time, energy, and money.

Whether you meet a new partner (in business or in life) the “old fashioned way,” or connect online, the power of laying your cards on the table right from the beginning cannot be overstated. Understanding how your values align (or don’t) right from the start means that you save time and energy down the road, and allows you to build relationships that work.